An Ode to Self Sufficiency

On this 71st anniversary of the Normandy Invasion, I forward this letter from a father to his children...
On this 71st anniversary of the Normandy Invasion, I forward this letter from a father to his children…

As we think back to the sacrifices made by our fathers and grandfathers, I forward this note from a father to his children. May it resonate with you and yours. Tell me what you think in the comment section below.

Kids,

Every now and then I am compelled to write to you. Now is such a time.

For your entire lives, I have consistently prepared you for the reality that when you get out of college you will be living on your own. In effect, how well you prepare yourselves and how hard you work (in high school, college and after) will have a direct bearing (by no means a guarantee, but a strong influence) on the lifestyle you are able to create for yourselves.

Savings- every penny of savings you have or ever had has been given to you; whether in the form of allowance, equities, or savings accounts, you haven’t earned any of it. That said, some of you have saved money, and others have spent it. Money is finite. If you are frivolous and treat it as something that cannot be depleted, you will end up with no money. Maybe finance does not interest you. Well, I will say this; you have to choose your career. You don’t have to be a banker to take an interest in your own personal health and wealth. I encourage each of you to learn the fundamentals of investing and understand the importance of saving money and protecting your principal.

Do not embrace debt. It is a killer. You don’t have to worry about that while you are in school, but you will have to think about it when you get a job and establish your own credit line, and get credit cards and start to pay bills. Always live within your means. A home mortgage is reasonable debt, when the time comes that you decide to plunge into your first major investment.

There is no gravy train. There are hundreds of millions of kids on this planet who get nothing/zilch/nada in economic support from their parents. They are the hungry ones who will take your job from you and never look back. Because the only world they know is a world where hard work is the path to success. They do it in school, and they do it after school.

On to jobs:

Does it help to know people who can help you get jobs? Absolutely. Is there anything wrong with pursuing every possible person/angle you know to seek employment? Absolutely not. Will “connections” ensure your success? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

You are or will be entering the most competitive workforce in American history. There are unemployed Masters and PHD’s looking for starting level jobs.

You and only you will be able to determine your futures. If you wake up every morning and throw a pity party for yourself, you will end up trapped in a pity party.

There is not a successful person on this planet who does not wake up every day and figure out what he or she is going to do to conquer that day, and make it a better day.

There was a day in America where kids from successful families could get jobs and keep jobs because of an implicit safety net that had been cast around them. Those days are gone; full stop. They simply do not exist anymore. The last 25 years has turned the traditional world upside down. Ours is now a global economy, and so too is your job competition. Traditional jobs that existed for centuries in the US are shrinking and new industries such as data programming (the ability to write code for software) is where the money is headed. It is a brave new world. To ignore this fact is to do so at your peril.

This is not a note designed to create angst. This is a note to get you to focus on reality. High school matters. College matters. Jobs in the summer during college matter. Securing job opportunities for your future during college matter. If you want to be able to do the things you have grown up doing when you are living on your own, you need to embrace the knowledge that the ability to do so is solely in your hands.

Your first job does not have to be the job you will love. Your first job gets you in the workforce and positions you to pay the bills and begin to spread your wings. If you feel like there is a bigger world out there, it is hugely better to be looking for another job opportunity as someone who is gainfully employed! Get into an industry that pays well enough to make a living. The opportunities will then open up.

Does hard work guarantee success? Absolutely not. There are millions of people who have worked 12-14 hour days for decades and have not one penny of savings to show for it. But just as hard work does not guarantee success, the lack of hard work will absolutely guarantee failure. At the end of the day, maybe (and only maybe) the hands you shake will allow for an opportunity. But only the grades you make (sports, school, work–it is all the same) will position you to succeed in that opportunity.

Over the years, my advice has rarely been heeded and often ignored by each of you. It is easy to say I am old, stubborn, and don’t know what I am talking about. Maybe that is true. But please know this. On this vision and in this note, I am dead right. And if you do not pay attention to me, you will regret it.

You are who you are because of the choices you make. Much like Admiral McRaven in the 2014 UT graduation speech, I implore you to wake up every day and conquer that day.

In the real world, there is no mom or dad there to hold your hand and cover your indiscretions and mistakes. Only you have the power to position yourself to succeed, and NO ONE OWES YOU ANYTHING.

So, whether it is athletics, academics, a job search, or an actual job, your attitude cannot be anything other than one where you commit to making every day better than the day before. On every test you face (and a test can be an athletic practice or game, or a quiz in school, or a paper in college, or an assignment at work, you name it) you better finish the job and be able to look yourself in the mirror and say, “I did the best I could. I gave it my all.” If you think you can excel by doing the minimum required of you (again, whether it is sports, school, or work) you are sorely mistaken. The ones who get ahead are the ones who show total commitment and an unquenchable thirst for being the best.

There is an old expression. If you meet an idiot every day, that is unfortunate. If you meet two idiots every day, that is peculiar and should cause pause for thought. If you meet three idiots every day, YOU are the idiot. Think about it.

When you find yourselves in challenging situations, (whether it is a teacher, athletic coach, professor, interviewer, or boss) if you think they are the idiots, I hate to break it to you, but you are. What you need to understand is that everything you do in life is a test. And every time you blame someone else because things aren’t the way you want them to be, you are failing the test. You have to commit yourselves to taking adverse situations and being smart and diligent enough to work your way out of them. The cop-out and dead-end approach is to quit and blame others.

Let me be clear; sometimes you will have coaches, teachers, and bosses you don’t like. And sometimes you may be wholly justified in your reasons. But guess what? You cannot resign yourself to being less than you can be by copping out and blaming others for where you find yourself. Only you can improve the situation. Be smart. Using the shortcomings of others as a rationale to try less hard or throw a one-person pity party is a road to self-defeat.

God. Ours is (or should be) a family that respects God and understands:

i) he exists,

ii) it is virtually impossible to explain his existence in rational or scientific ways,

iii) it is ok that there is a disconnect between scientific theory and recorded history (by the way, there is no similar recorded scientific history) in the Bible. The two (contrary to the way members of the progressive elite would have it) are not mutually exclusive.

iv) Each of you is free to express/follow your religious conviction as you see fit.

v) It is not, however, appropriate behavior to judge members of your family because you either a) think he or she is irreverent and disrespectful of/to God, or b) think he or she is too respectful/dependent on God.

Neither of the views (in [v] above) should be countenanced. You will eventually find a role for God in your lives. …and the role will be different for each of you. In the meantime, respect each other and each other’s lives. You may not like some of the choices your siblings make, but it is not your job to render judgment.

I truly hope you have gotten this far and read all this and equally, I truly hope it sinks in. It will make you better people, and as I said above, while there are no guarantees in life, if you commit yourselves to being the best you can be, you will be much more likely to lead fulfilling, contented lives.

Remember that I write this because I love you.

Dad