The Press Briefing Room-The White House
The air was so thick with tension that it could have been cut with a knife. The media was ready to pounce yet again on this the eighty-ninth day of the Trump administration. Most pundits hadn’t had this much fun in years. Yes, they had to give perfunctory lip service to the Hillary e-mail scandal, but they had no choice. That damn Wikileaks had injected too much noise into the marketplace. Even the most leftist journalist could not completely ignore the outrageous behavior exhibited by Mrs. Clinton. But the good news was that Mrs. Clinton gave President Obama great air cover. She let the mainstream media escape without seriously going after Mr. Obama one time in eight years. Mrs. Clinton deserves credit for (albeit unwittingly) really having Obama’s back!
But this guy Trump, well it’s now a whole new ballgame. The media has never enjoyed such a feeding frenzy. The Bushes were nothing compared to this guy. Most of the media are in a state of apoplexy. They still can’t believe he is President.
Today was a special day, as the President announced he would be stepping in for Sean Spicer and he would conduct the press briefing. The media were on the edges of their seats; palpably excited at the looming opportunity to skewer this man they so despised.
Into the room he floated. Handing his wings to an aide, he addressed the gathered throng.
“Did you see the video of the bomb. Wow, that was yuge. I mean big. The biggest. I’ll tell you one thing. If you were alive inside that mountain yesterday, you are not alive inside that mountain today. You know what I mean? Our military is great. And I have told them to do what they need to do. We are making America great again, one rocket and bomb at a time. By the way, you think whatshisname in North Korea might have paid attention to what we just did in Afghanistan? Huh? Ya think? I think so, and so should you. Oh yeah, and stop with the ‘healthcare reform is dead’ thing. I told America we would repeal and replace so we will. You people are so stupid sometimes. Well, most of the time actually. You need to think bigger. All you want to do is find some connection to my beating Hillary and some wacko conspiracy Oliver Stone-like Russian connection. You know that is crazy, right? Heh look, I get it. Democrats deflect. Democrats mastered the best defense is a good offense strategy. I mean when you’ve got nothing, you attack, right? OK, so they have nothing and that means almost all of you have nothing. I mean, is there a difference between you and the Democrats? No, I don’t think so, so question answered. And by the way, we’re doing great things around the country. You might want to consider covering what we’re actually doing sometime. And leave Sean Spicer alone. He is a good, honest man. I know it is hard to fathom he can misspeak a time or two since you are all so perfect. Try to be nicer human beings, if it is possible.” With that the President glared over the rostrum, and turned and began to leave the room.
“Mr. President!”, shouted a member of the press corps, “What about the Mother of all Bombs? How do we know it had any impact at all?”
The President turned and said “That’s the problem with you people. I haven’t even been in office for a hundred days, and already you call my Presidency ‘The mother of all bombs’ and question whether I can have any impact. You’re all idiots, and you lie too much. Stop with the fake news already.” With a disdainful, sour look on his face, he exited stage left.
The elite journalists were too stunned to speak. One muttered, “wait, what just happened?” No one answered. They slowly exited the room and began to formulate their reports about the horror show that was the Trump administration. No one bothered to consider that the deplorables loved every minute of it.
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